Photograph by Jim Watson / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump warned on Wednesday that a caravan of Democratic women was heading toward Washington, D.C., with the explicit goal of invading the nation’s capital.

Speaking at a press conference at the White House, Trump acknowledged that he had failed in his bid to stop the caravan, which is on schedule to arrive in Washington on January 3, 2019.

“The Democrats are responsible for sending this caravan, and, frankly, it’s a disgrace,” he said. “They are sending some dangerous women.”

Elaborating on the threat posed by the caravan, Trump said, “Some of these women have fought in wars. They have fired guns. One of them is a mixed-martial-arts specialist. These are women who will kick your ass without hesitating.”

Trump denied that he was irresponsibly stoking fears about the caravan of females. “Every Republican in Washington should be scared shitless of these women,” he said. “I know I am.”

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